


you just might (be the one i've been waiting for)

by Cones_McMurphy



Category: Sam & Cat (TV), iCarly
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Just a Kiss, Not a lot of dialogue, but it is probably the most canon compliant work you'll get out of me for this fandom, follows them from their first kiss on, it's kind of a character study, it's mainly told through freddie's POV, lowkey me being salty that they broke up bc they were 'just too different', tbh I have no idea what this is, this isn't TOTALLY canon compliant, title from the lady antebellum song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:54:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cones_McMurphy/pseuds/Cones_McMurphy
Summary: The first time Freddie kisses Sam it isn’t supposed to mean anything, but it does anyway.
Relationships: Freddie Benson/Sam Puckett
Comments: 12
Kudos: 123





	you just might (be the one i've been waiting for)

The first time Freddie kisses Sam, it isn’t supposed to mean anything, but “supposed to” doesn’t do much to stop the way his heart beats wildly in his chest. He blames his tingling lips on her peppermint chapstick, but somewhere deep down he knows he’s lying to himself. It’s awkward for a moment, before either of them have decided how to feel about it. “Well, that was, uh…” He fumbles for words, unsure of how she’ll react if he says he liked it. 

“Nice,” she says, and his mouth goes dry. They stumble over a few more words, and for once she seems just as off kilter as he feels. 

He stops her as she leaves. “I hate you,” he says, but there’s no bite; his grin carries almost the opposite meaning as his words. Her eyes soften, and she reciprocates the words, and the smile. 

Things change after that, though neither of them will admit it. (How could they?)

The fire escape had always been his place to be alone, to think, to be safe, but now it becomes  _ their _ place. When Carly is out of town, or simply too busy to notice, they hang out there, sharing junk food that would horrify his mother, and swapping horror stories.  _ “Sometimes I think my mom  _ likes _ it when I’m sick”  _ he says one night, and she nods solemnly.  _ “I remember the day my dad left. I was eight. He gave me this stupid keychain and said he’d be back someday,”  _ she tells him, and he puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. They tell each other things they’ve never even uttered out loud before, things they’d never tell each other normally. Nothing is off limits on that fire escape, and nothing they share out there ever comes in. 

* * *

The second time Freddie kisses Sam, it’s not Sam. It’s her twin sister. He thinks it’s Sam at first, he really does. He believes it until she kisses him. She kisses him and it’s not the same as the first time, and that’s how he knows. Melanie tastes like strawberry lip-gloss and feels like kissing a wall. It scares him, how wrong and different it feels. It scares him that kissing Sam was somehow special. He lets Sam and Carly think he still believes it’s a prank, rather than admit how he knows it wasn’t.

* * *

Kissing Carly never feels right, or at least, not as right as it should. His heart races at first, but his lips never tingle, and it doesn’t take him long to realize that his racing heart is little more than nerves. He hates how little he feels. He’s waited for this for years. It’s supposed to be a fairytale. But it isn’t, somehow. Sam says that Carly isn’t in love with him, but is in love with what he did, and he knows she’s right. 

But Carly isn’t the only one deluding herself. It makes him miserable knowing he was only ever in love with the idea of Carly. She’s smart and beautiful and kind, being with her should be perfect, but it isn’t. It’s empty. He watches himself breakup with her, the girl he’s been crazy about for years, and he hates it. He watches her feelings for him fade, because they never really existed in the first place, and tries to pretend it’s okay. It’s not. He wants to love her so badly. He’s  _ supposed _ to love her. 

But he doesn’t. 

* * *

The real second time Freddie kisses Sam, Sam kisses him, and in an instant everything changes. She kisses him with everything she has and it’s white hot. He kisses back without even thinking about it. And then it’s over and the heat that started spreading from his lips to his chest is gone. Neither of them speak for a moment; Sam is gauging his reaction, and his mind is flooded with  _ Sam kissed me _ and  _ Sam loves me?  _ and  _ Do I love Sam?  _

There’s three days of radio silence and then they’re in a mental hospital and Sam is telling him how she feels and it’s like all the air is being pulled out of his lungs. He sees the worry and fear etched in her face, and reassures her, because of course he does. He has to. But he doesn’t tell her what he’s feeling, not yet. 

He’s not sure why he kisses her in front of the whole internet; he’s never been that bold. He supposes she brings it out in him, which is an unnerving thought. “I guess we’re both insane,” he says softly, and the way she smiles at him is almost enough to make him forget about the millions of eyes on them. 

* * *

Being with Sam is indescribable. It’s passionate and bright and unlike anything he’s ever experienced in his life, but in the end, it’s unsustainable. They’re a supernova; they burn hot and fast. 

His mom hates her. He’s afraid of her family. The whole damn world thinks they’re too different. He’s too nerdy. She’s too rebellious. They don’t make sense on paper. At first, they don’t listen. It doesn’t matter. She gets under his skin like no one else, and he sees through every last one of her defences. 

In the end, they let the world get in their heads, and they kiss goodbye. 

* * *

Life surges on. For a while, they're almost friends, despite the tension running just beneath the surface, coloring every interaction they have. And then Carly leaves, and whatever was connecting them leaves with her. Sam moves to L.A. while Freddie is somehow stuck with Seattle Community College and his mom’s increasingly cramped apartment. It’s not that he doesn’t get into better schools, it’s that his mother can’t stand the thought of him leaving, and he still can’t bring himself to stand up to her in any real way. That was something he used to talk to Sam about.  _ “Just tell her to screw off!”  _ Sam had said. He wishes he could bring himself to call her again.

* * *

She saves his life. 

Cat calls him and next thing he knows he’s on the first flight to L.A., full of worry and dread, because Sam is  _ hurt. _ But then Sam is okay and Cat is all over him and Freddie doesn’t understand. All he wants is to see Sam, to look in the eyes that had always seemed to see right through to the core of him, but when he sees her, all he can see is the pain written all over her face, and he looks anywhere but in her eyes. She says she loves him, that he’s the only one she’s ever loved, and it hits him like a ton of bricks. She denies it immediately, but he knows her better than that. (He knows her better than anyone, but she could say the same thing about him.) 

He’s not over her. He’s never been over her. He never  _ will _ be over her. 

* * *

He relocates to L.A. It’s not because of her. He transfers to Caltech, which is a great school, and it feels so good to be away from his mother. It’s not about Sam, and he repeats that to himself like a mantra. Having Sam in his life is an added bonus, but she’s not the reason. It’s good, though. Better than good. He sees her almost everyday again, and it’s almost how it was before things got complicated. It’s different now, though. They still bicker, still drive each other crazy. But in some ways, it’s better. They’re more amicable as exes than they ever were as friends. And this time, it doesn’t matter if his mother disapproves, or if no one else understands. 

It just feels good to be her friend again. 

He wants more, of course he does, but things are more complicated than ever. He dates a few girls, trying to get Sam out of his head, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t make any of them stay. He starts to wonder if maybe he just wasn’t made for love. The only woman he’s ever truly loved used to be his mortal enemy.  _ This can’t be healthy _ , he thinks, as he’s getting dumped by a girl named Macy and all he cares about is that he’s going to a horror movie fest with Sam the next day. If there was an award for Biggest Dumbass, he’s sure he’d win. 

At least she’s in his life again, with those sharp, blue eyes, and that wild grin that never fails to make his head spin. And that’s enough for now. 

* * *

They find each other again on that same stupid fire escape. 

Carly is in Seattle to see Spencer, so they fly up to see her while she’s in the States. It’s strange, being back in Casa de Shays, after so many years. Every inch of that apartment holds a different memory. He misses how it used to be, when the three of them were practically inseparable. Back then, he really thought it would last forever. Sure, he and Sam are still close, and they both talk to Carly on the phone a lot, but it’s not the same. It will never be the same. Old memories bring old feelings, and it doesn’t take more than a few days of being back there before he’s out on that damn fire escape again. What he doesn’t expect is for her to already be there, leaning against the railing, staring at the city skyline. 

“I should’ve known you’d show up here,” she rolls her eyes, not turning away from the horizon line. 

“If you’ll recall, this was my spot first.” He follows her lead, leaning against the railing. 

“Touché.” There’s a long pause, and he wonders if he should speak, when she beats him to it. “It’s weird being back in Seattle. I wanted space to think.” 

“What…What’re you thinking about?” He asks quietly. 

“Us.” Her voice is barely a whisper. 

“Hard not to think about that out here,” he laughs nervously. “We had our first kiss here, after all.” 

She nods. “I told you things I never told anyone else, out on this fire escape.” 

He isn’t prepared for that, and it takes him a moment to recover. “Sam, I…” The words stick in his throat. “Fuck, this is so hard.” 

She just looks at him, her eyes wide, and uncharacteristically vulnerable. He looks into those bright blue eyes and decides words can wait. He puts his hands on her shoulders like she did to him all those years ago, and he kisses her. It’s urgent and desperate, and not nearly long enough. When he pulls back, she’s silent, for once in her life. For once, he gets to talk first. 

“Sam, I still love you.” 

She smiles. “I’ve always loved you.” 

* * *

This time it doesn’t matter how different they are. It doesn’t matter what other people think of them. It doesn’t matter that they still argue over little things like what kind of pizza to order and whether or not they should ask for directions. It doesn’t matter that he’s into computers and trains and she’s into food and wrestling. She listens to him complain about coding and he watches MMA bouts with her, and they order half-and-half pizza, and they’re happy. 

This time it doesn’t matter if they don’t make sense on paper, because they understand each other like no one else.

This time it sticks. 


End file.
